


And they were tied together : the beginning

by Ledgea



Series: And they were tied together [2]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Banter, Curses, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27434800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ledgea/pseuds/Ledgea
Summary: Leaving the town with blood on his clothes, a slugishly bleeding wound on his thigh and his right arm stuck to Lambert's left isn't how Aiden pictured this contract ending. At least they got paid handsomely, his right arm isn't stuck to Lambert's own right arm and they have not been turned into slugs. That would have been troublesome and almost happened too, Aiden is just glad that he's quick on his feet and learned over the years when he needed to shut Lambert up.Or the first day of Aiden and Lambert being cursed and stuck together.Another silly funny one-shot I couldn't get out of my head.
Relationships: Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher)
Series: And they were tied together [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004307
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59





	And they were tied together : the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> And here is some more humorous (at least, I hope it is) cursed Aiden/Lambert!  
> Hope you enjoy!!

Leaving the town with blood on his clothes, a slugishly bleeding wound on his thigh and his right arm stuck to Lambert's left isn't how Aiden pictured this bodyguarding contract ending. At least they got paid handsomely, his right arm isn't stuck to Lambert's own right arm and they have not been turned into slugs. That would have been troublesome and almost happened too, Aiden is just glad that he's quick on his feet and learned over the years when he _needed_ to shut Lambert up.

“So where are we going ?”, Aiden asks Lambert once they've left the town behind them.

His companion doesn't answer, stubbornly stares right ahead and Aiden feels his hand clench against his where they're stuck together.

“I think I heard something about a kikimora somewhere east.”

“Do you _really_ want to go hunting like that ?”, Lambert asks and meaningfully raises their arms.

“We could try,” Aiden says and grins impudently at Lambert.

“Fuck you,” Lambert curses, “I'm not getting eaten by a kikimora because of you !”

“Because of me ?”

“You heard me !”

“I wasn't the one who insulted our dear client and got us cursed !”

“She deserved it.”

“She deserved to be called a blind old hag ? And a worthless piece of shit ?”

“She almost got you stabbed !”, Lambert exclaims and angrily points his finger at him.

“I had it under control.”

“Like you had the drowner that almost _drowned_ you last year under control ?”

“He splashed some water at me. At best,” Aiden contradicts him, because he's never going to admit that a drowner would have killed him if Lambert hadn't stepped in.

Lambert snorts, speeds up and Aiden almost trips over his own feet until he stops dead in his tracks and Lambert curses as he is violently tugged backwards. They really need to work on developping some coordination, otherwise they're going to kill themselves in a matter of days.

Aiden smiles at Lambert, winks at him and starts walking again. Lambert grumbles, takes a look that he probably thinks is discreet – but is really not – at Aiden's wound and follows him without a word. Aiden decides that the Wolf's overprotectiveness is sweet rather than annoyingly overbearing, he would have to punch him otherwise, and he's too tired to initiate a brawl.

“You. Are. So. Full. of. Shit,” Lambert announces.

“Hey !”, Aiden says, indignant, “I'll let you know that I saved your ass a few times too.”

“So you admit that you needed saving,” Lambert grins smugly.

He's so stupid, Aiden wants to kiss him and then punch him.

“No,” Aiden denies, “But you needed saving two years ago from that bruxa who had decided that you'd have been a wonderful snack.”

“I had her !”

“You did not !”

“Then you didn't control that situation with the griffin five years ago either !”

Aiden lets out an offended grunt, he so had had this griffin under control.

“Five seconds and I would have had him !”

“Five seconds and he would have taken off with you !”, Lambert points out and snorts.

“Liar,” Aiden says insincerely.

Lambert may be right about that griffin, not that Aiden will acknowledge that too. The Wolf is already insufferable enough as it is, he doesn't need for his ego to be stroked even more. He lets out a small unhappy grunt, Lambert smirks at him like he knows that he just won the argument and Aiden decides to change the subject of conversation, it'll be safer for the both of them.

“Anyway, we could stay at an inn tonight,” Aiden remarks, “We have the funds for it.”

“Sure,” Lambert agrees, “It will save us from having to learn how to hunt while we're stuck _like that_.”

Lambert meaningfully shakes their arms again and Aiden stupidly stares at them. Fuck, he hadn't thought about hunting. And he has a feeling that it's not the only thing that will be difficult to deal with in the coming weeks, doing the laundry, riding, just bending to collect some firewood or taking care of their swords, it's going to be a nightmare. He prays for patience and follows Lambert without a word.

It takes them a few hours to reach a decently sized village that has a nice inn. Aiden makes them stop just before they can enter said village. He's not taking the chance of them being thrown out.

“What ?”, Lambert asks him testily.

“We're not going in as witchers,” Aiden explains and contorts to get his swords off his back.

“What ?”, Lambert asks again, clearly offended this time.

“We're witchers, Lambert. Witchers at a clear disadvantage here, so take off your damn swords, hide your medallion and get out your damn cloack.”

Lambert grumbles but complies anyway and Aiden has him hide his silver sword behind his back under his cloack while the steel one gets strapped to his waist. Aiden does the same and they go on.

“Close your eyes,” he orders Lambert as they come up the inn.

“What ?”

“Get your hood up and close your eyes, congratulations you're blind now !”

“Asshole, you be blind ! You're clumsy enough that it'll easily be believable.”

Aiden sighs and rolls his eyes.

“Your eyes are more recognizable than mine, moron. And if you could play the mute too, it would be wonderful.”

“Fuck you,” Lambert growls back.

“Tonight,” Aiden smirks at him, “If you do not get us thrown out of the nice inn.”

Lambert then shuts up but still tugs harshly on their arms one more time before closing his eyes and adjusting his hood. Aiden swears but squeezes his hand nonetheless, silently promising him that he will not lead him into a door. Unless he annoys him too much, that is still a possibility.

Aiden secures them a room, a bath and two hot meals in a matter of minutes and leads Lambert up the stairs under the innkeeper's piercing stare. He soon finds their room, tugs Lambert inside and bars the door behind them.

“Fuck, a bed,” Lambert says and proceeds to fall face first onto the single bed of the room.

Aiden yelps and ends up sprawled over Lambert's back with their arms uncomfortably twisted at their side.

“Be careful, you oaf,” he grouches as he rolls over at Lambert's side.

“Ouch, you be careful with your pointy elbows.”

“Come on, get up, we need to at least get out of these armours before the girl comes to fetch us for the bath.”

Lambert grumbles but gets up nonetheless and Aiden's arm ends up being unceremoniously tugged left and right as Lambert works on unfastening his buckles. He lets him do as he pleases and when he's done, Aiden does the exact same thing and watches as Lambert squawks indignantly.

Aiden smirks at him and orders him to play blind and mute again as a girl knocks on their door and tells them that their baths have been prepared on the ground floor. Aiden thanks her and leads Lambert back down, and if the Wolf ends up tripping on the last step of the staircase, it's clearly not Aiden's fault.

“How are we supposed to fit in that ?”, Lambert grouches when he opens his eyes and spots the tiny tub.

“We'd fit if you hadn't spent a month gorging yourself on _gravy_.”

“I'm not the one who grew _love handles_ during the last month !”

“Really ?”, Aiden says and pinches Lambert's new love handles.

“Hey ! Back the fuck off !”

“Then stop bullshitting me and get in the tub, we'll take turns.”

“Dictator,” Lambert mutters under his breath and Aiden smiles at him.

Crouching next to the tub where Lambert is angrily washing himself is a bit awkward, especially when his arm gets stretched so that the Wolf can get to his feet. They trade places when they're done, and the awkwardness doesn't disappear. If only the sorceress had cursed them to be stuck from elbow to hand, they would have had some leeway, but with even their shoulders glued together, Aiden can feel Lambert's whole body move as he washes himself.

Once Aiden's done, he exchanges an embarassed glance with Lambert and wonders how the hell they're supposed to get a shirt on. They had to cut the ones they've been wearing earlier and Aiden just can't imagine a way to get dressed without completely slashing all of their clothes on one side.

“Fucking dumb sorceress,” Lambert swears, “If I happen upon her again, I'll break her nose.”

“I'd rather not,” Aiden comments, “It would only end badly for you.”

They decide to do without the shirts for now and take a quick trip outside to answer nature's call. Standing with their back to one another as they do their business is the most awkward thing they've yet to deal with and Aiden is decidedly _not_ looking forward to the time when one of them will need to do more than piss. _Fucking sorceress._

They wash their hands in silence and go up again under the innkeeper's disbelieving stare. Aiden keeps his head down, his eyes averted and is just glad they thought of hiding their medallions before crossing the crowded the main hall. He's just feeling lucky the man agreed to let them eat in peace in their room.

Eating turns out to be another nightmare for Aiden. Lambert, who's right handed, is fine, but Aiden's sword arm is currently stuck to the Wolf and holding cutlery while an arm uselessly hangs from his own is not easy to deal with when one is eating stew. He grits his teeth though, makes do and wonders why it wasn't Lambert's sword arm stuck to his own left. Life is so unfair.

When they're done with supper, they get their swords and daggers out and Lambert cleans and sharpens his first as Aiden dozes next to him. When Aiden takes over, Lambert drags his packs next to him and rummages through them with his free hand.

“What the fuck is that ?”, Aiden asks after a few minutes.

“A trashy novel,” Lambert answers.

“Why are you even travelling with that ?”

“It's for Geralt. It's a gift for when I go back to Kaer Morhen.”

“And when did you acquire it ?”

“Stole it. From the sorceress.”

“You're unbelievable,” Aiden grunts, “I swear if you do not have a pot of lemon jam in there, I'm throwing your stuff out of the fucking window !”

“Tyrant,” Lambert mutters, rummages through his damn pack some more and offers him a pot of lemon jam.

“Where the fuck did you even get that ?”, Aiden asks, flabbergasted.

“Stole it ?”

“By the gods,” Aiden sighs and jabs his finger between Lambert's ribs, “You're a nightmare. Give me that.”

He steals the pot of lemon jam and carefully places it next to his own pack to keep it safe, only the gods know what Lambert has in his damn packs and he doesn't want for his precious pot of jam to end up shattered at the bottom of it. Lambert shrugs, opens the damn book and starts to read. He's silent for approximately two minutes.

“Do you think that a duchess really would allow her husband and his best friend to fuck her together ?”, Lambert asks.

“ _Really_?”, Aiden asks and refuses to look at him.

“Well, yeah, it seems a bit uncomfortable.”

“Why are you even reading this piece of filth ?”, Aiden asks, exasperated.

“I need to know what I'm gifting to Geralt, Aiden, it's a common courtesy.”

“Your gifts are shit.”

“Lies and slander ! You loved the belt I gifted you last year !”

Aiden had hated it, it had had a bell on it, supposedly so that he would stop startling Lambert by appearing out of nowhere. Aiden had “lost” it a week later. He refuses to answer but levels his best glare at Lambert.

“Anyway, do you think that a duchess would like having her husband's tongue in her ass ?”, Lambert asks again.

“Do I look like a fucking duchess to you ?”

“You stay in the tub as long as a duchess does, that's for sure !”

“And you take as much time as a princess to take care of your damn hair in the morning !”, Aiden snaps.

He lets go of the dagger he's sharpening and throws himself over Lambert's lap trying to reach the damn book to tear it into pieces. Lambert grins at him, throws the book away and tugs Aiden against his chest by their glued together arms.

“Got you,” Lambert smugly says and kisses him.

Aiden struggles for a few seconds, before deciding that this is a good enough way to spend the evening. It has the merit of shutting Lambert up and Aiden won't have to keep listening to him stupidly chattering about some noblewoman's sexual prowess. And in the morning he'll badger Lambert until he'll finish taking care of Aiden's blades, and maybe, if the innkeeper hasn't thrown them out by then, he'll pay to keep the room another day. It will be worth it if he gets Lambert to moan his name a day longer.


End file.
